Establishing boundaries for our children. The greatest gifts we can give them, alongside our love.

Being a parent is a lifelong role that comes with challenges. Despite our best intentions, nobody is a perfect parent, but children view their parents as the best despite their mistakes. As parents, we can provide our children with two essential resources: boundaries and unconditional love.

Boundaries are rules that protect and help children socialize. Adults set limits based on what they feel is important for the child. Having boundaries helps children learn self-control and adapt to different situations.

Clear boundaries create a sense of security and peace for children. When they understand what is allowed and what is not, the environment and reactions of others become stable and predictable. Children then know what to expect and are less anxious about what will come next. For example, when they know, violence is not allowed to solve differences, they are not in danger of being beaten.

Children who are involved in establishing boundaries and understand their usefulness are empowered to negotiate, argue, and reject arbitrary rules from people and contexts in their lives. For example, they will not accept unreasonable demands from an employer.

In general, research suggests that children who grow up in an environment with clear boundaries and a warm, supportive relationship with their parents and caregivers tend to have higher self-esteem, greater autonomy, and more resilience. Conversely, children who grow up with no boundaries and excessive love, as well as those raised with overly strict and inflexible rules without love, are more likely to experience low self-esteem, a lack of autonomy, and greater vulnerability to life’s challenges.